Block That Kick!
Friday, October 15, 2004
Week 6
One man’s touchdown dance is another man’s seizure.
Overall: 38-33-3, not a bad poker hand.
Last Week: 9-5, finally.
Best Bets: 5-4-1, like a low-income moneymaker.
BB Last Week: 1-1, okay, no more Saints.
Prologue: Last week, some of the more high-flying teams came crashing down to earth last week quicker than the latest NASA project. It was like shooting skeet out there. The Seahawks, who didn’t lose a home game all of last year, blew a 14-point fourth quarter lead to lose to the Rams in OT and the Falcons were humbled by the Lions at home. Surprisingly, both the Steelers and the Giants, teams insulted throughout the offseason, are 4-1, on par with the Colts and Falcons. Only the Jets and Pats remain undefeated, though both records are due to unusually easy schedules. And teams like the Broncos and Chargers continue to go unnoticed while putting up good numbers. Nothing stands out in this week’s lines, but as the middle part of the season begins, hype begins to twist and turn and that means it is gambling-time. Or nap-time. One of the two. The press continues to highlight the decline in scoring and the increase in blitz-heavy, aggressive defenses. Then we read that the top five defensive teams (Seattle, Denver, Miami, Washington, and Pittsburgh) are 10-9 while the top five offensive teams (Minnesota, Indianapolis, New England, Philadelphia and Dallas) are 14-3. Nothing means anything! Or everything means nothing! Can I borrow some money!
Dolphins (+6.5) vs. Bills: Are you ready for some football? Well these teams aren’t. The 0-4 Bills host the 0-5 Dolphins. Who is going to go from 0 to 1-win hero? Maybe they’ll tie. Then they can be the 0-4-1 Bills and the 0-5-1 Dolphins. If you wanted to, you could make the argument that neither team is as poor as their record. After all, the Bills have lost three games by three points or less and the Fins outgained the Patriots in yardage last week 295 to 204. Both defenses have played well, but what can you say about the offenses. You can say that each team has 0 wins. The Fins had a chance to make the game close against the Pats last week, but after reaching the Pats 1-yard line, Fiedler was sacked for a 12-yard loss and injured his ribs and back; Feeley came in and two plays later threw a fourth-down incompletion and got a concussion. The Dolphins quarterbacks could injure themselves dressing up for the game. Pathetic. Miami also has 14 turnovers and 2 touchdowns. The Bills are the second lowest scoring team in the league, ahead of only the, let me think about it, oh, the Fins. What’s the O/U here? 10?
Picksgiving: Bills
49ers (+10) vs. Jets: Tim Rattay was Tim Nasttay last week, racking up 38 completions for 417 yards. Yowsers! The 49ers also needed OT to beat the Cardinals. The 49ers, the home team, needed OT to beat the Cardinals. Just thought I’d mention that twice. Here’s an interesting note: "Earlier this week, New York Jets coach Herman Edwards went around the locker room trying to give his players an index card with thefollowing message: ‘If you are scared to go 4-0, call the police.’ ‘I had a bunch of them made and said, "If you are scared now, you can take these cards and no one will know you called them,"’ Edwards said." If you didn’t already know, the Herminator is absolutely insane. Call the police? If you’re scared? No one will know you called them? What the hell is he talking about? And when were index cards considered a motivational tool. An axe and a block of wood, sure. But index cards? What’s next, are coaches going to start handing out staplers and binder clips before the big game? Will the pre-game pep talk include lost of buzzwords like ‘collate’ and ‘divestiture’ and ‘cross-platform integration’? It’s football, not B-school. But the one boon of having to watch so many dreadful Jets games is the total incoherence of the Herminator. Speaking of incoherence, should the Jets really be giving 10 points? They haven’t looked as good as their record and aren’t reliable to cover big numbers. Take the points.
Picksgiving: 49ers.
Seahawks (+4) vs. Patriots: Seattle’s #1 ranked defense gave up, at home, 3 touchdowns and a field goal to the Rams in the last 9 minutes of the game last week. So much for stats! That ended the Seahawks 10-game home-winning streak. For what it’s worth, this looks to be the game of the week. Before the loss to the Rams, you got the feeling that the Seahawks hadn’t yet been tested. You get something of that feeling about the Pats too. After an opening game win over the Colts, the Pats have padded their stupid ‘streak’ with wins over the Cards, Bills, and Fins. That’s competition about as stiff as a geezer without his Viagra. While people might not remember the event, Tom Brady was a special guest as the State of the Union address. Karma, my boy, karma. Now I’m not saying that the Patriots were trying to buy uranium in Niger, but you get my aimium, right? They are headed for a fall. The Patriots will not win the Superbowl. Let them have their soft schedule and their glowing press. Their days are numbered.
Picksgiving: Seahawks
Panthers (+9) vs. Eagles: Injuries, Injuries, Injuries. I’m tired of hearing about it. If you drafted better or signed decent free agents, maybe injuries wouldn’t be such a problem. Maybe you wouldn’t have to start Air Bud, Golden Receiver at WR. The more shocking aspect to the Panthers quick descent is the fact that their defense is ranked 17th and they are next to last in defending the run, yielding 159 yards per game. Last week they gave up 193 rushing yards to someone named Reuben Droughns. "On PlayStation I’d seen him a couple times returning kickoffs," Panthers defensive lineman Mike Rucker said. "That’s all I reallyknow." Good work on studying the game film, Rucker. Did you slay any dragons while you were studying their offensive formations? Also, the stat of the week last week was Julius Peppers returning an interception 101 yards and failing to score. I’m guessing that’s some kind of stupid, obscure record. But I think this whole idea of adding endzone yardage to a play is a bunch of hokum for the vain, pampered NFL stars. It’s probably in the collective bargaining agreement. If you caught an interception at the back of the endzone and tried to run it out, only to be tackled for the touchback, would those yards count as rushing yards? No. If you catch a pass 5-yards deep, do they add that to your reception yardage. No. Plane to plan is 100 yards. Let’s keep it like that. Anyhoo, the Eagles are off the bye and the Panthers are reeling. BeeeeOnnn. BeeeeOnnnn. That’s the blowout siren, sextard.
Picksgiving: Eagles.
Bengals (+2.5) vs. Browns: Solids vs. Stripes, baby! I like Stripes. That was a pretty funny movie.
Picksgiving: Bengals.
Packers (+2.5) vs. Lions: The Pack soap opera continues. As the cheese curdles. Days of Our Loses. All My Fumblin’. The Cold and the Doodie full. Misguiding Light. Crapanation Street. One Loss to Live. The Young and the Winless. Shall I continue? But seriously, does something stink in Green Bay or what? When is the last time Favre showered? They now have had three straight home losses. Last week the Pack had 35 yards rushing at home. Ahman Green had 10 carries for 33 yards. He could have fumbled it farther. The Pack had 5 yards on 5 rushes in the first half. They had six turnovers and four in the second half. I don’t want to give anything away, but it looks to me like someone is trying to steal all of Miami’s thunder. The Lions, on the other hand, had their second road win, after going three years without one. Yes the Falcons might have been overrated on the spread, but the Lions were gritty and played mistake free football to get the win. Packers, you are underdogs to the Lions. In 60 minutes or so, tell me how that feels?
Picksgiving: Packers
Redskins (pk) vs. Bears: Pick ‘em, huh? Well I’d rather not. So I see that the FCC is fining all Fox stations for airing some stupid show called ‘America’s Moronic Weddings’ or something like that. First Janet, now Fox. I’ve got a complaint. It’s about the quality of this football game. Here’s what the FCC website says: "The FCC has defined broadcast indecency as ‘language or material that, in context, depicts or describes, in terms patently offensive as measured by contemporary community broadcast standards for the broadcast medium, sexual or excretory organs or activities.’" Go here:
http://www.fcc.gov/cgb/complaints.html
to file your complaint. Since this game is a piece of shit, I think it qualifies.
Picksgiving: Bears
Texans (+6.5) vs. Titans: The Houston Texans take on the Tennessee Oilers. No wait. Sorry. The Houston Oilers take on the Tennessee Texans. Damn it. The Houston Titans take on the Tennessee Texans. No wait. The Houston Grizzlies take on the Memphis Rockets. Christ. The Houston Houstons take on the Tennessee Tennesseeans. Argh. The Dallas Texans take on the Tennessee Volunteers. Of fuck it, I give up.
Picksgiving: Titans
Chargers (+4.5) vs. Falcons: The Chargers, thought to be this year’s manure pile, are now 3-2 and are averaging 28 points a game. Then again, they did just win back-to-back games for the first time since October of 2002; but both those wins were against respectable teams (the Titans & Jags). Last week L.T. lined up at QB for a couple of snaps. The first time he ran the ball. What the hell is the point of that? It’s called a handoff. Try it some time. The second time L.T. got sacked. Now that’s more like. Maybe this week he will line up at quarterback and throw an interception. They’ll really have the defense confused. Maybe L.T. can come out and miss some field goals too. Or maybe he can just sit up in the booth and run the offense. They can give him a joystick and some virtual reality goggles. The Falcons offense finally dragged the team down to its level. Vick had three fumbles and an interception, one of the fumbles occurring with 51 seconds left in the game and the Falcons at the Detroit 21, closing in for a game-tying score. And what did the ever humble (that’s sarcasm, btw) Vick have to say? "Those are the situations I love the most," Vick said. "Everybody's watching. The pressure is on. That's when I feel I'm at my best." When you’re fumbling to lose the game? When everybody’s watching on the lowlight reel? Increasingly, I get the feeling that Vick has a G.W.-like grasp on reality. The Falcons had a fake punt and a fake field goal last week. Here’s hoping that their record isn’t a fake too. Both teams have stout run defenses, but the Falcons will get more pressure on the passer, and we should see the Drew Brees of old.
Picksgiving: Falcons.
Chiefs (-1.5) vs. Jaguars: It’s like a battle for the wild card right here in Week 6. The Chiefs, after a sloooooooooow start, need to start winning games. The Jags, after a qwk start, need to get back on track. Priest Holmes has 476 yards and 6 TDs. Give that man a game ball. That might seem trivial against one of the league’s best run defenses, but last week the Jags gave up 176 rushing to the Chargers. The Chiefs, on the other hand, have given up at least 24 points in every game so far this year. But can the hit-or-miss Jags offense take advantage? Who the hell is asking that? Where’s that damn voice coming from? What’s with all the questions? What is this, the damn Inquisition?
Picksgiving: Chiefs.
Steelers (+3) vs. Cowboys: The Steelers are 4-1 for only the third time in 22 seasons. Man that’s some crappy football. All the talk is about "Big Ben" Roethlisberger. Yes, he has won his first three starts and Eli Manning and Phillip Rivers are on the bench. But do you really think they would be there if the starter ahead of them were hurt? No, they would be playing and getting just as many raves as Big Ben. The shocking thing for the Steelers is the fact that Duce Staley had his third consecutive 100-yard game. They’re not booing, they’re saying ‘Duuuuuuuuce!’ Of course, the Steelers have the luxury of playing in what has usually been the league’s worst division, so chalk up plenty of those wins to an easy schedule. It was great to see Bill Parcells get to the playoffs last year, because it deluded the egomaniac into thinking that he could continue to succeed with sub-par talent. Can you name one star player on this team? In fact, the only star associated with the Cowboys is on their damn helmets. Penalties, sloppy execution, old players, and general indifference should have this team tanking quickly. It’ll be interesting to see if Parcells is even around next year. Watch the Cowboys secondary get burned this week. I don’t really mean ‘watch’ it, of course, more like read about it the next day.
Picksgiving: Steelers
Broncos (-2) vs. Raiders: The Mile High comes to the Black Hole. Is it me or does that sound like a porn video? Certainly that isn’t the first ever ‘Black Hole’ joke, but maybe all that moster-demon-viking crap of the Raider’s is a little more gay porn that most people think. Hell, Warren Sapp is on this team. Anyhoo, the Silver and Black Attack became the Silver and Black Retreat as the Raiders had their 12th consecutive road loss. Now I’m sure we all know that some yahoo named Reuben Droughns rushed for 193 yards last week. Guess what? Entering the game he had a career total of 127 yards rushing. How’s that for a day? At least he didn’t droughn on and on about it after the game. The word out of the Raiders camp (and they must be camping out because they’ve been too bad to allow back into town) is that Jerry Rice wants out of town because his talents aren’t being utilized. One, Kerry Collins is now the QB, so I don’t know what ‘talent’ has to do with this team. Two, Jerry my man, just join the AARP and stop whining. The way the Raiders have been playing lately, I can’t believe they’re getting only two points. Which says something about the Broncos. I’ll let the coin flip decide this one.
Picksgiving: Broncos
Vikings (-3.5) vs. Saints: Saints or Sinners? The Saints have lost to winless teams in the last two weeks (Cards & Bucs). What is it with this team? And what is it with the kind of idiot who has made them his best bet in two different weeks? And what is it with all this what it is? Last week the Vikes blew a 21-point lead in the 3rd quarter to the Texans of all people. I wonder if Dante did his stupid little dance after that? This game is just the battle of disappointments. Dante may be lighting up the scoreboard, but you get the feeling that ‘hubris’ is a medicinal supplement for this team. The dances and celebrations and hootenanny – it’s just too much. Hey Vikes, remember the Cardinals. ‘Nuff said. With the wretchedness of the Bucs and Raiders, for a while it was difficult to find a new team to hate. Then the Vikes started their excessive celebrations over running up the score against loser teams. Voila. I just don’t see how you can think you are that great when Mewelde Moore leads the team in rushing and receptions last week. But I might as well cover my eyes, as I’m sure the Vikes will get plenty of opportunities for excessive celebration penalties against the Saints.
Picksgiving: Vikes.
Bucs (+6) vs. Rams: You people disgust me.
Picksgiving: Rams
bye: Cards, Colts, Giants, Ravens
Best Best (2 per week): Bears, Broncos
Errata:
I'm too hungover to do the errata this week. I've got some half-finished stuff but I'll save it for an extra special errata next week. By 'extra special,' of course, I mean extra verbose. Extra half-finished and verbose. Who the hell am I talking to anyway? Nobody reads this thing. I never contemplated it before, but I get the sense that blogging is the primary cause of split personalities. Or do people simply adopt some persona for this kind of thing? Me, I'm a handsome & successful football genius who keeps foolishly picking the Saints as a best bet. Wow, even my daydreams are mediocre...
¶ 1:49 PM 0 comments
One man’s touchdown dance is another man’s seizure.
Overall: 38-33-3, not a bad poker hand.
Last Week: 9-5, finally.
Best Bets: 5-4-1, like a low-income moneymaker.
BB Last Week: 1-1, okay, no more Saints.
Prologue: Last week, some of the more high-flying teams came crashing down to earth last week quicker than the latest NASA project. It was like shooting skeet out there. The Seahawks, who didn’t lose a home game all of last year, blew a 14-point fourth quarter lead to lose to the Rams in OT and the Falcons were humbled by the Lions at home. Surprisingly, both the Steelers and the Giants, teams insulted throughout the offseason, are 4-1, on par with the Colts and Falcons. Only the Jets and Pats remain undefeated, though both records are due to unusually easy schedules. And teams like the Broncos and Chargers continue to go unnoticed while putting up good numbers. Nothing stands out in this week’s lines, but as the middle part of the season begins, hype begins to twist and turn and that means it is gambling-time. Or nap-time. One of the two. The press continues to highlight the decline in scoring and the increase in blitz-heavy, aggressive defenses. Then we read that the top five defensive teams (Seattle, Denver, Miami, Washington, and Pittsburgh) are 10-9 while the top five offensive teams (Minnesota, Indianapolis, New England, Philadelphia and Dallas) are 14-3. Nothing means anything! Or everything means nothing! Can I borrow some money!
Dolphins (+6.5) vs. Bills: Are you ready for some football? Well these teams aren’t. The 0-4 Bills host the 0-5 Dolphins. Who is going to go from 0 to 1-win hero? Maybe they’ll tie. Then they can be the 0-4-1 Bills and the 0-5-1 Dolphins. If you wanted to, you could make the argument that neither team is as poor as their record. After all, the Bills have lost three games by three points or less and the Fins outgained the Patriots in yardage last week 295 to 204. Both defenses have played well, but what can you say about the offenses. You can say that each team has 0 wins. The Fins had a chance to make the game close against the Pats last week, but after reaching the Pats 1-yard line, Fiedler was sacked for a 12-yard loss and injured his ribs and back; Feeley came in and two plays later threw a fourth-down incompletion and got a concussion. The Dolphins quarterbacks could injure themselves dressing up for the game. Pathetic. Miami also has 14 turnovers and 2 touchdowns. The Bills are the second lowest scoring team in the league, ahead of only the, let me think about it, oh, the Fins. What’s the O/U here? 10?
Picksgiving: Bills
49ers (+10) vs. Jets: Tim Rattay was Tim Nasttay last week, racking up 38 completions for 417 yards. Yowsers! The 49ers also needed OT to beat the Cardinals. The 49ers, the home team, needed OT to beat the Cardinals. Just thought I’d mention that twice. Here’s an interesting note: "Earlier this week, New York Jets coach Herman Edwards went around the locker room trying to give his players an index card with thefollowing message: ‘If you are scared to go 4-0, call the police.’ ‘I had a bunch of them made and said, "If you are scared now, you can take these cards and no one will know you called them,"’ Edwards said." If you didn’t already know, the Herminator is absolutely insane. Call the police? If you’re scared? No one will know you called them? What the hell is he talking about? And when were index cards considered a motivational tool. An axe and a block of wood, sure. But index cards? What’s next, are coaches going to start handing out staplers and binder clips before the big game? Will the pre-game pep talk include lost of buzzwords like ‘collate’ and ‘divestiture’ and ‘cross-platform integration’? It’s football, not B-school. But the one boon of having to watch so many dreadful Jets games is the total incoherence of the Herminator. Speaking of incoherence, should the Jets really be giving 10 points? They haven’t looked as good as their record and aren’t reliable to cover big numbers. Take the points.
Picksgiving: 49ers.
Seahawks (+4) vs. Patriots: Seattle’s #1 ranked defense gave up, at home, 3 touchdowns and a field goal to the Rams in the last 9 minutes of the game last week. So much for stats! That ended the Seahawks 10-game home-winning streak. For what it’s worth, this looks to be the game of the week. Before the loss to the Rams, you got the feeling that the Seahawks hadn’t yet been tested. You get something of that feeling about the Pats too. After an opening game win over the Colts, the Pats have padded their stupid ‘streak’ with wins over the Cards, Bills, and Fins. That’s competition about as stiff as a geezer without his Viagra. While people might not remember the event, Tom Brady was a special guest as the State of the Union address. Karma, my boy, karma. Now I’m not saying that the Patriots were trying to buy uranium in Niger, but you get my aimium, right? They are headed for a fall. The Patriots will not win the Superbowl. Let them have their soft schedule and their glowing press. Their days are numbered.
Picksgiving: Seahawks
Panthers (+9) vs. Eagles: Injuries, Injuries, Injuries. I’m tired of hearing about it. If you drafted better or signed decent free agents, maybe injuries wouldn’t be such a problem. Maybe you wouldn’t have to start Air Bud, Golden Receiver at WR. The more shocking aspect to the Panthers quick descent is the fact that their defense is ranked 17th and they are next to last in defending the run, yielding 159 yards per game. Last week they gave up 193 rushing yards to someone named Reuben Droughns. "On PlayStation I’d seen him a couple times returning kickoffs," Panthers defensive lineman Mike Rucker said. "That’s all I reallyknow." Good work on studying the game film, Rucker. Did you slay any dragons while you were studying their offensive formations? Also, the stat of the week last week was Julius Peppers returning an interception 101 yards and failing to score. I’m guessing that’s some kind of stupid, obscure record. But I think this whole idea of adding endzone yardage to a play is a bunch of hokum for the vain, pampered NFL stars. It’s probably in the collective bargaining agreement. If you caught an interception at the back of the endzone and tried to run it out, only to be tackled for the touchback, would those yards count as rushing yards? No. If you catch a pass 5-yards deep, do they add that to your reception yardage. No. Plane to plan is 100 yards. Let’s keep it like that. Anyhoo, the Eagles are off the bye and the Panthers are reeling. BeeeeOnnn. BeeeeOnnnn. That’s the blowout siren, sextard.
Picksgiving: Eagles.
Bengals (+2.5) vs. Browns: Solids vs. Stripes, baby! I like Stripes. That was a pretty funny movie.
Picksgiving: Bengals.
Packers (+2.5) vs. Lions: The Pack soap opera continues. As the cheese curdles. Days of Our Loses. All My Fumblin’. The Cold and the Doodie full. Misguiding Light. Crapanation Street. One Loss to Live. The Young and the Winless. Shall I continue? But seriously, does something stink in Green Bay or what? When is the last time Favre showered? They now have had three straight home losses. Last week the Pack had 35 yards rushing at home. Ahman Green had 10 carries for 33 yards. He could have fumbled it farther. The Pack had 5 yards on 5 rushes in the first half. They had six turnovers and four in the second half. I don’t want to give anything away, but it looks to me like someone is trying to steal all of Miami’s thunder. The Lions, on the other hand, had their second road win, after going three years without one. Yes the Falcons might have been overrated on the spread, but the Lions were gritty and played mistake free football to get the win. Packers, you are underdogs to the Lions. In 60 minutes or so, tell me how that feels?
Picksgiving: Packers
Redskins (pk) vs. Bears: Pick ‘em, huh? Well I’d rather not. So I see that the FCC is fining all Fox stations for airing some stupid show called ‘America’s Moronic Weddings’ or something like that. First Janet, now Fox. I’ve got a complaint. It’s about the quality of this football game. Here’s what the FCC website says: "The FCC has defined broadcast indecency as ‘language or material that, in context, depicts or describes, in terms patently offensive as measured by contemporary community broadcast standards for the broadcast medium, sexual or excretory organs or activities.’" Go here:
http://www.fcc.gov/cgb/complaints.html
to file your complaint. Since this game is a piece of shit, I think it qualifies.
Picksgiving: Bears
Texans (+6.5) vs. Titans: The Houston Texans take on the Tennessee Oilers. No wait. Sorry. The Houston Oilers take on the Tennessee Texans. Damn it. The Houston Titans take on the Tennessee Texans. No wait. The Houston Grizzlies take on the Memphis Rockets. Christ. The Houston Houstons take on the Tennessee Tennesseeans. Argh. The Dallas Texans take on the Tennessee Volunteers. Of fuck it, I give up.
Picksgiving: Titans
Chargers (+4.5) vs. Falcons: The Chargers, thought to be this year’s manure pile, are now 3-2 and are averaging 28 points a game. Then again, they did just win back-to-back games for the first time since October of 2002; but both those wins were against respectable teams (the Titans & Jags). Last week L.T. lined up at QB for a couple of snaps. The first time he ran the ball. What the hell is the point of that? It’s called a handoff. Try it some time. The second time L.T. got sacked. Now that’s more like. Maybe this week he will line up at quarterback and throw an interception. They’ll really have the defense confused. Maybe L.T. can come out and miss some field goals too. Or maybe he can just sit up in the booth and run the offense. They can give him a joystick and some virtual reality goggles. The Falcons offense finally dragged the team down to its level. Vick had three fumbles and an interception, one of the fumbles occurring with 51 seconds left in the game and the Falcons at the Detroit 21, closing in for a game-tying score. And what did the ever humble (that’s sarcasm, btw) Vick have to say? "Those are the situations I love the most," Vick said. "Everybody's watching. The pressure is on. That's when I feel I'm at my best." When you’re fumbling to lose the game? When everybody’s watching on the lowlight reel? Increasingly, I get the feeling that Vick has a G.W.-like grasp on reality. The Falcons had a fake punt and a fake field goal last week. Here’s hoping that their record isn’t a fake too. Both teams have stout run defenses, but the Falcons will get more pressure on the passer, and we should see the Drew Brees of old.
Picksgiving: Falcons.
Chiefs (-1.5) vs. Jaguars: It’s like a battle for the wild card right here in Week 6. The Chiefs, after a sloooooooooow start, need to start winning games. The Jags, after a qwk start, need to get back on track. Priest Holmes has 476 yards and 6 TDs. Give that man a game ball. That might seem trivial against one of the league’s best run defenses, but last week the Jags gave up 176 rushing to the Chargers. The Chiefs, on the other hand, have given up at least 24 points in every game so far this year. But can the hit-or-miss Jags offense take advantage? Who the hell is asking that? Where’s that damn voice coming from? What’s with all the questions? What is this, the damn Inquisition?
Picksgiving: Chiefs.
Steelers (+3) vs. Cowboys: The Steelers are 4-1 for only the third time in 22 seasons. Man that’s some crappy football. All the talk is about "Big Ben" Roethlisberger. Yes, he has won his first three starts and Eli Manning and Phillip Rivers are on the bench. But do you really think they would be there if the starter ahead of them were hurt? No, they would be playing and getting just as many raves as Big Ben. The shocking thing for the Steelers is the fact that Duce Staley had his third consecutive 100-yard game. They’re not booing, they’re saying ‘Duuuuuuuuce!’ Of course, the Steelers have the luxury of playing in what has usually been the league’s worst division, so chalk up plenty of those wins to an easy schedule. It was great to see Bill Parcells get to the playoffs last year, because it deluded the egomaniac into thinking that he could continue to succeed with sub-par talent. Can you name one star player on this team? In fact, the only star associated with the Cowboys is on their damn helmets. Penalties, sloppy execution, old players, and general indifference should have this team tanking quickly. It’ll be interesting to see if Parcells is even around next year. Watch the Cowboys secondary get burned this week. I don’t really mean ‘watch’ it, of course, more like read about it the next day.
Picksgiving: Steelers
Broncos (-2) vs. Raiders: The Mile High comes to the Black Hole. Is it me or does that sound like a porn video? Certainly that isn’t the first ever ‘Black Hole’ joke, but maybe all that moster-demon-viking crap of the Raider’s is a little more gay porn that most people think. Hell, Warren Sapp is on this team. Anyhoo, the Silver and Black Attack became the Silver and Black Retreat as the Raiders had their 12th consecutive road loss. Now I’m sure we all know that some yahoo named Reuben Droughns rushed for 193 yards last week. Guess what? Entering the game he had a career total of 127 yards rushing. How’s that for a day? At least he didn’t droughn on and on about it after the game. The word out of the Raiders camp (and they must be camping out because they’ve been too bad to allow back into town) is that Jerry Rice wants out of town because his talents aren’t being utilized. One, Kerry Collins is now the QB, so I don’t know what ‘talent’ has to do with this team. Two, Jerry my man, just join the AARP and stop whining. The way the Raiders have been playing lately, I can’t believe they’re getting only two points. Which says something about the Broncos. I’ll let the coin flip decide this one.
Picksgiving: Broncos
Vikings (-3.5) vs. Saints: Saints or Sinners? The Saints have lost to winless teams in the last two weeks (Cards & Bucs). What is it with this team? And what is it with the kind of idiot who has made them his best bet in two different weeks? And what is it with all this what it is? Last week the Vikes blew a 21-point lead in the 3rd quarter to the Texans of all people. I wonder if Dante did his stupid little dance after that? This game is just the battle of disappointments. Dante may be lighting up the scoreboard, but you get the feeling that ‘hubris’ is a medicinal supplement for this team. The dances and celebrations and hootenanny – it’s just too much. Hey Vikes, remember the Cardinals. ‘Nuff said. With the wretchedness of the Bucs and Raiders, for a while it was difficult to find a new team to hate. Then the Vikes started their excessive celebrations over running up the score against loser teams. Voila. I just don’t see how you can think you are that great when Mewelde Moore leads the team in rushing and receptions last week. But I might as well cover my eyes, as I’m sure the Vikes will get plenty of opportunities for excessive celebration penalties against the Saints.
Picksgiving: Vikes.
Bucs (+6) vs. Rams: You people disgust me.
Picksgiving: Rams
bye: Cards, Colts, Giants, Ravens
Best Best (2 per week): Bears, Broncos
Errata:
I'm too hungover to do the errata this week. I've got some half-finished stuff but I'll save it for an extra special errata next week. By 'extra special,' of course, I mean extra verbose. Extra half-finished and verbose. Who the hell am I talking to anyway? Nobody reads this thing. I never contemplated it before, but I get the sense that blogging is the primary cause of split personalities. Or do people simply adopt some persona for this kind of thing? Me, I'm a handsome & successful football genius who keeps foolishly picking the Saints as a best bet. Wow, even my daydreams are mediocre...
¶ 1:49 PM 0 comments
