Friday, November 12, 2004
Week 10
Are the playoffs here yet?
Overall: 60-66-4, is that three sixes I see? That explains the devil picks.
Last Week: 7-7, even steven, whoever the hell that is.
Best Bets: 8-9-1, I have a different definition of ‘best.’
BB Last Week: 1-1, back to the ol’ standard.
Prologue: Stupid work. It’s difficult to get this dumb blog done when you have crap to do during the day (and when you go see Slayer at night). Thus we bring you the truncated ‘All QB’ not-very-special edition. Because, you know, they don’t get enough press already. The following is a Block That Kick Production presented commercial-free by Blogger, JPMorganChase, and Budweiser.
Ravens (-1) vs. Jets: Kyle Boller dressed up as a quarterback for Halloween. The children of Baltimore were terrified. Kyle handed out interceptions as candy. For what it’s worth, Kyle passed the 1,000-yard mark last week, which is good for a running back. So it looks like Week 10 brings us the much-anticipated Kyle Boller-Quincy Carter showdown. The dreaded ‘Q factor’ makes his first start of the season. This one will all come down to which QB makes more mistakes. And I’ve seen enough of the Q to know which one that will be.
Picksgiving: Ravens.
Steelers (-4) vs. Browns: Rookielisberger. Rothlikehamburger. Rothispittsburgher. Pennsylvanialisberger. Jeffcia. Garclevelandia. Clevecia. Garbrown.
Picksgiving: Browns.
Texans (+9) vs. Colts: Christian male model vs. Redneck doofus superstar. What is this, a pitch for a reality show?
Picksgiving: Texans.
Bears (+5) vs. Titans: Don’t attempt to adjust your television set, but it’s Craig Krenzel vs. Billy Volek. And I thought that NFL Europe was our development league. We’re supposed to be impressed by the fact that Krenzel majored in ‘molecular genetics,’ which, to me, just sound like a fancy way of saying ‘communications.’ We’re not supposed to be impressed by anything about Billy Volek.
Picksgiving: Bears.
Bucs (+3.5) vs. Falcons: It’ll be a while before we see the Brian Griese Experience commercials, but I imagine it’ll involve disappointment. Long lines, broken parts, and vomit in the seat your supposed to sit in. Two weeks ago, Vick became the first QB ever to rush for 100+ and pass for 150+ in one game. Yes, Mike Vick is now the leading rusher for the Falcons. Man, if only T.J. Duckett could throw the ball!
Picksgiving: Falcons.
Lions (+3) vs. Jaguars: David Garrard? Christ, am I starting at QB for someone this week?
Picksgiving: Lions.
Seahawks (PK) vs. Rams: [Here’s a brief review of BTK’s incisive analysis in making football picks:
Week 1: "Do I really have to pick one? Yes. Do I really have to talk about it? No."
Week 2: "Well I don’t have much to say about them."
Week 3: "Are you there God? It’s me, indifference."
Week 4: "I’m just going to stare at the wall and drool for a while…"
Week 5: "…am I supposed to be talking about a game here?"
Week 6: "Oh fuck it, I give up."
Week 7: "This is a good game… for me to poop on!"
Week 8: [silence]
Week 9: "I don’t know, whoever gets points…"]
Worry not, I’m seeking treatment for my ellipsis addiction.
Picksgiving: Seahawks.
Chiefs (-4) vs. Saints: Last week, Aaron Brooks threw a pass backwards. To an offensive lineman. ‘Nuff said.
Picksgiving: Chiefs.
Bengals (+3.5) vs. Redskins: This whole QB concept is just a sorry excuse to avoid having to write about Chad Johnson
Picksgiving: Bengals.
Vikings (+4) vs. Packers: Culpepper vs. Favre. Finally, a real game. I managed to catch ‘Inside the NFL’ this week and was treated to yet another story on Favre. It’s reached the meta level, folks. Stories about stories about stories about Favre. This time, get out your hankies because here comes Peter King to do some baby-boomer emoting with Favre. If only Favre spent as much time practicing as he does on press events, maybe the Pack wouldn’t keep losing at home. I was flagged (in my own home!) for excessive celebration last week watching Culpepper get shown up on national television.
Picksgiving: Packers.
Cardinals (+2) vs. Giants: Enter the QB controversy. I don’t have much of an opinion of Warner (except for that general distrust of religious wackos that all us blue-staters supposedly have), but you have to sympathize with his treatment. One bad game and everyone is audibling to the Manning. Yes, it was a horrendous game, but most of the blame goes to the offensive line. And the stupid penalties. And the poor receiving corp. And so on. You didn’t hear much complaining when they were winning. Sure, everyone wants to come to the Big Apple for all the endorsement deals and marketing money selling patties or used cars or laser eye surgery or whatever, but they don’t seem to realize that NY sports fans have all the loyalty of a stray animal. We can expect the Eli hype to die down once he gets in there and sports some Carson Palmer style numbers. Giants fans, be careful what you wish for.
Picksgiving: Cards.
Panthers (PK) vs. 49ers: This Injury Bowl will be played in the local hospital. Instead of the 'physically unable to play' list, these teams have the 'athletically unable to play' list. Is Tim Rattay healthy? Is Jake Del Homey still alive? Is anyone on the Carolina Panthers conscious? As we always say here at BTK, parity is unfairity when it leads to games like this. Pick ‘em? No thanks. Picking cattle noses would be more appealing than picking a winner of this game.
Cattlenosegiving: 49ers.
Bills (+7.5) vs. Patriots: Will Bledsoe exact revenge on the George Bush supporter who supplanted him in Beantown? Or will God’s Grace to Magazine Covers show up the old man? I sniff the upset. Bledsoe might not be his former self, but you can’t start Troy Brown at CB every week.
Picksgiving: Bills.
Eagles (-6) vs. Cowboys: McNabb’s mobility will be matched by Testeverde’s stationaryity. The old man routine is getting pretty old in Dallas. Tuna claims that he’s never coached a team that has responded as little as this one. Well, coach, maybe they just weren’t wearing their hearing aides.
Picksgiving: Eagles.
bye: Broncos, Chargers, Dolphins, Raiders
Best Bets (2 per week): Bears, Eagles
Dear professional football teams,
Please keep me from being a Week 10 Fallusa.
regards,
BTK
Errata:
Man, look at all the underdogs I picked this week. Seven (eight if the PK moves to the Rams, as it looks to be doing). In honor of all these dogs, here are some links to pictures of dogs in football jerseys:
http://www.kateconnick.com/postcards/chieffootball.jpg
http://www.ticketsconcertssports.com/tyson-football.jpg
http://www.costumesinc.com/p4433/Football_Hero_Pet_Costume.html?&User_ID=5875853&st=3019&st2=-36875293&st3=92835908
http://www.powerdog.jp/football.jpg
BTK: sorely in need of an editor. Oh, and a proofreader. Uh, and a writer.
¶ 4:24 PM
Are the playoffs here yet?
Overall: 60-66-4, is that three sixes I see? That explains the devil picks.
Last Week: 7-7, even steven, whoever the hell that is.
Best Bets: 8-9-1, I have a different definition of ‘best.’
BB Last Week: 1-1, back to the ol’ standard.
Prologue: Stupid work. It’s difficult to get this dumb blog done when you have crap to do during the day (and when you go see Slayer at night). Thus we bring you the truncated ‘All QB’ not-very-special edition. Because, you know, they don’t get enough press already. The following is a Block That Kick Production presented commercial-free by Blogger, JPMorganChase, and Budweiser.
Ravens (-1) vs. Jets: Kyle Boller dressed up as a quarterback for Halloween. The children of Baltimore were terrified. Kyle handed out interceptions as candy. For what it’s worth, Kyle passed the 1,000-yard mark last week, which is good for a running back. So it looks like Week 10 brings us the much-anticipated Kyle Boller-Quincy Carter showdown. The dreaded ‘Q factor’ makes his first start of the season. This one will all come down to which QB makes more mistakes. And I’ve seen enough of the Q to know which one that will be.
Picksgiving: Ravens.
Steelers (-4) vs. Browns: Rookielisberger. Rothlikehamburger. Rothispittsburgher. Pennsylvanialisberger. Jeffcia. Garclevelandia. Clevecia. Garbrown.
Picksgiving: Browns.
Texans (+9) vs. Colts: Christian male model vs. Redneck doofus superstar. What is this, a pitch for a reality show?
Picksgiving: Texans.
Bears (+5) vs. Titans: Don’t attempt to adjust your television set, but it’s Craig Krenzel vs. Billy Volek. And I thought that NFL Europe was our development league. We’re supposed to be impressed by the fact that Krenzel majored in ‘molecular genetics,’ which, to me, just sound like a fancy way of saying ‘communications.’ We’re not supposed to be impressed by anything about Billy Volek.
Picksgiving: Bears.
Bucs (+3.5) vs. Falcons: It’ll be a while before we see the Brian Griese Experience commercials, but I imagine it’ll involve disappointment. Long lines, broken parts, and vomit in the seat your supposed to sit in. Two weeks ago, Vick became the first QB ever to rush for 100+ and pass for 150+ in one game. Yes, Mike Vick is now the leading rusher for the Falcons. Man, if only T.J. Duckett could throw the ball!
Picksgiving: Falcons.
Lions (+3) vs. Jaguars: David Garrard? Christ, am I starting at QB for someone this week?
Picksgiving: Lions.
Seahawks (PK) vs. Rams: [Here’s a brief review of BTK’s incisive analysis in making football picks:
Week 1: "Do I really have to pick one? Yes. Do I really have to talk about it? No."
Week 2: "Well I don’t have much to say about them."
Week 3: "Are you there God? It’s me, indifference."
Week 4: "I’m just going to stare at the wall and drool for a while…"
Week 5: "…am I supposed to be talking about a game here?"
Week 6: "Oh fuck it, I give up."
Week 7: "This is a good game… for me to poop on!"
Week 8: [silence]
Week 9: "I don’t know, whoever gets points…"]
Worry not, I’m seeking treatment for my ellipsis addiction.
Picksgiving: Seahawks.
Chiefs (-4) vs. Saints: Last week, Aaron Brooks threw a pass backwards. To an offensive lineman. ‘Nuff said.
Picksgiving: Chiefs.
Bengals (+3.5) vs. Redskins: This whole QB concept is just a sorry excuse to avoid having to write about Chad Johnson
Picksgiving: Bengals.
Vikings (+4) vs. Packers: Culpepper vs. Favre. Finally, a real game. I managed to catch ‘Inside the NFL’ this week and was treated to yet another story on Favre. It’s reached the meta level, folks. Stories about stories about stories about Favre. This time, get out your hankies because here comes Peter King to do some baby-boomer emoting with Favre. If only Favre spent as much time practicing as he does on press events, maybe the Pack wouldn’t keep losing at home. I was flagged (in my own home!) for excessive celebration last week watching Culpepper get shown up on national television.
Picksgiving: Packers.
Cardinals (+2) vs. Giants: Enter the QB controversy. I don’t have much of an opinion of Warner (except for that general distrust of religious wackos that all us blue-staters supposedly have), but you have to sympathize with his treatment. One bad game and everyone is audibling to the Manning. Yes, it was a horrendous game, but most of the blame goes to the offensive line. And the stupid penalties. And the poor receiving corp. And so on. You didn’t hear much complaining when they were winning. Sure, everyone wants to come to the Big Apple for all the endorsement deals and marketing money selling patties or used cars or laser eye surgery or whatever, but they don’t seem to realize that NY sports fans have all the loyalty of a stray animal. We can expect the Eli hype to die down once he gets in there and sports some Carson Palmer style numbers. Giants fans, be careful what you wish for.
Picksgiving: Cards.
Panthers (PK) vs. 49ers: This Injury Bowl will be played in the local hospital. Instead of the 'physically unable to play' list, these teams have the 'athletically unable to play' list. Is Tim Rattay healthy? Is Jake Del Homey still alive? Is anyone on the Carolina Panthers conscious? As we always say here at BTK, parity is unfairity when it leads to games like this. Pick ‘em? No thanks. Picking cattle noses would be more appealing than picking a winner of this game.
Cattlenosegiving: 49ers.
Bills (+7.5) vs. Patriots: Will Bledsoe exact revenge on the George Bush supporter who supplanted him in Beantown? Or will God’s Grace to Magazine Covers show up the old man? I sniff the upset. Bledsoe might not be his former self, but you can’t start Troy Brown at CB every week.
Picksgiving: Bills.
Eagles (-6) vs. Cowboys: McNabb’s mobility will be matched by Testeverde’s stationaryity. The old man routine is getting pretty old in Dallas. Tuna claims that he’s never coached a team that has responded as little as this one. Well, coach, maybe they just weren’t wearing their hearing aides.
Picksgiving: Eagles.
bye: Broncos, Chargers, Dolphins, Raiders
Best Bets (2 per week): Bears, Eagles
Dear professional football teams,
Please keep me from being a Week 10 Fallusa.
regards,
BTK
Errata:
Man, look at all the underdogs I picked this week. Seven (eight if the PK moves to the Rams, as it looks to be doing). In honor of all these dogs, here are some links to pictures of dogs in football jerseys:
http://www.kateconnick.com/postcards/chieffootball.jpg
http://www.ticketsconcertssports.com/tyson-football.jpg
http://www.costumesinc.com/p4433/Football_Hero_Pet_Costume.html?&User_ID=5875853&st=3019&st2=-36875293&st3=92835908
http://www.powerdog.jp/football.jpg
BTK: sorely in need of an editor. Oh, and a proofreader. Uh, and a writer.
¶ 4:24 PM
